We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
