this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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