so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
