It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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