he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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