dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
