I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
