How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
