i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
