ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize