no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
