I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
