I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
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