Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry about my life...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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