Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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