I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
