I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
