he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
