I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
