I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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