Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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