Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
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