You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
