i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize