Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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