I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
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