Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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