I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
