lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
