She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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