One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
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Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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