god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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