why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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