it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
