Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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