I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
