you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
