Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
