The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
