Is it normal to miss your booty call?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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