awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
