Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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