i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Are we still banned from the library?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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