just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
