At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
