Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
sarcasm needs its own font
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
