I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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