she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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