I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
