i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
