Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
