you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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