I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
