it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
