The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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