but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
