How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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