And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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