just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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