I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
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NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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