Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
